4 Ways to Manage Conflict in the Office

4 Ways to Manage Conflict in the Office4 Ways to Manage Conflict in the OfficeGuidelines on how to resolve conflict when youre the new guy in the office.Congratulations are in order You got yourself a wonderful new job Youve completed your on-boarding, have a good feel for whats needed and an even better feel for whats expected of you. Whats more, you are already exerting a positive influence.But wait. Conflict and drama alert.Examples of conflict rearing its head early in a job includeSomeone just said something, and you find yourself rolling your eyes in verschlimmerung and impatience.You just said something, and someone got surprisingly argumentative and demeaning.Someone else spoke, and several others shut down and started drifting away.Having witnessed this all before, you too, are starting to think about giving up and going home.Itd be okay if this were a one-time occurrence. But its not - its happening increasingly. And you see how its affecting you Your brains gone numb. You r mood has soured. Youve stopped reaching out to brainstorm and collaborate. Youre guarded and on edge, less engaged, more inflexible. None of this is good.You must figure out how to deal with all of this. Its time - as Craig E. Runde and Tim A. Flanagan, authors of Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader, say - for you to become more personally competent in dealing with all of this conflict.Conflict like this can make or break a career. Thats why I decided to get certified and provide advice on how to react in unterstellung situations. (Note The information here is used with permission from The Center for Conflict Dynamics.)How to be conflict competentTo become more conflict competent, you need a real grasp of the following three factors1. Constructive responsesBehaviors that keep conflict to a minimum2. Destructive responsesBehaviors that escalate, or prolong conflict3. Hot buttonsThose irritations and annoyances that provoke you into conflict and trigger you into reacting in confl ict incompetent waysThe Conflict Dynamics Profile, an assessment that specifically deals with conflict behaviors in the workplace, illustratesConstructive responses are task focused, while destructive ones focus on personalities. And all conflict begins with a precipitating event, frequently in which a participants hot buttons are pushed.It happens in an instant. Someone says or does something - intentionally or otherwise - that, as Runde and Flanagan say, causes us to believe that their interests, goals, principles or feelings are incompatible with, and threatening to, our own.More viscerally, were flooded with emotions anger, fear and frustration. Our fight/flight instinct kicks in with an immediacy and intensity that quickly overwhelms. Were out of our game, wanting to lash out, or go run and hide or both. In other words, weve been triggered.Its important to realize that becoming more conflict competent is an iterative process. Youll do well for a while, and then you wont youl l start improving again, and then youll slip. The following haikus really say it allI got a new job / The people are really great / Except when theyre not.I cannot change them/ I can only change myself / so I must now change.Adrenaline rush / Undeniable tension / I have been triggered.Hot buttons cooling / Triggers all under control / Except when theyre not.So, to decrease the impact of your missteps, take the following advice to heart1. Make a U-turn.If you get triggered into taking a conversation somewhere you didnt intend to go, stop, turn around and go in a different direction. Sometimes even a GPS knows that the best move is to make a U-turn when possible.2. Apologize as soon as you say it.If you get triggered into saying something you regret, apologize right then and there. A well-timed, well-intentioned apology is not a sign of weakness - its a sign of respect, regard, clarity and executive civility.3. Pause.As soon as you realize youve been triggered, pause and before sayin g another word, let your adrenaline surge and silently dissipate. Soothe with a benign smile.4. Anticipate and reward.If you know youre going to be in a stressful, trigger-happy environment, do something decidedly pleasing for yourself beforehand, as were naturally more composed and trigger-resistant when were fully rested and recharged.With practice and persistence, it will become easier to stay poised in the moment and not let your hot buttons control you.From there, you can start focusing on how best to maximize your constructive responses to conflict while further minimizing the destructive ones.